I go back to work in a month and want him (and I) to get accustomed to the (drastic) change in routine.
The whole two-minute walk there I gave myself a pep talk, it'll be good for Noah, it'll be good for me too, I'll get some time to myself during the day, maybe take a nap...none of it made a lick of difference, as soon as I walked through the door, I wanted to BOLT; run-the-hell-away.
Run away from this woman who would surly feed him cheesies and Pepsi as soon as I left. A woman who'd slap him around, leave him in a shitty and/or wet diaper all day long and let him watch General Hospital (now the Y&R, that would be totally acceptable, he can't get enough of Victor Newman, and who can blame him?).
I handed Noah over to her (he totally didn't want to go) and then I was the one who bolted, covering my mouth with my hand, choking back the tears.
I cried all the way home. Called The Lover and sobbed into the phone; blubbering about how I missed him already and this would be the LONGEST day of my LIFE (longer than 36 hours of labour? Surely).
Funny thing was. He was fine and so was I. The day flew by and I found that no matter how much I enjoyed myself, I felt as if I was constantly missing that little person that has been practically attached to my hip for nearly the last eleven months (where'd the last TEN go?).
When I went to pick him up (ten minutes early), he smiled at me - as if to say, "Shit woman, I honestly thought you'd left me here for good! Damn, it's so good to see you!"
Although the sitter remarked at how much Noah loves to eat, he did not eat cheesies or drink Pepsi...he was perfect, he smelled funny, like someone else's house, but he was perfect.
As soon as I got home, I promptly changed his clothes and nuzzled my face in his neck inhaling his sent...I then resisted the urge to eat him...it was hard.
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You did good! I never prepped Chase for the sitter's. I decided not to go back to the job I had. I found a factory job (that was short lived) with better hours and had to start right away. Chase hated being at the sitter's house. He could not get away from that house fast enough every day. The next sitter he had (with my next short lived job) was our neighbour. He liked it there more than at home. It was heartbreaking somedays.
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