Dear Sebastian - Week 14

Dear Sebastian,

You are a little more than 3.5 months old (14 weeks to be exact).

You are now the most smiley and chatty of boys - yay! You coo and "talk" and speak gibberish and have the MOST EXPRESSIVE (barely-there) eyebrows I have ever seen. Even when you're just smiling at me, you'll raise an eyebrow or raise them both - as if to say, oh yeah, I'm on to you woman - and it CRACKS me right up!

Things guaranteed to make you laugh include clapping your fisted hands together and singing or saying, "Yay, Sebastian!" And tickling you - you are already SUPER ticklish under your armpits!

You're already a little go-er. A squirmy little Mitts who somehow manages to move all over the place on your back. You raise your bum off the floor and shuffle yourself backwards and rock from one foot to the other so quickly I'm sure the momentum is going to roll you over one of these days.

We've started you on some food. For the last few weeks you've been GAWKING at Daddy or I while we're eating - you have this endless fascination for food so I thought, what the heck - yes it's early, but hey, I've done this before.

You weren't crazy about the homemade brown rice cereal mixed with formula, but man oh man you LOVED dem organic apples. You smiled and cooed and actually ate most of it, shoving your fists in there along with the food making a real good mess.

You sleeping skills are still crap. Yes, crap. I love you son, my dearest, but you are trying to kill me. Your napping through the day is amazing some days and pretty much non-existent others. Your nighttime sleeping is much the same - you actually slept for 9.5 hours once (ONLY ONCE), but just to keep things interesting you've decided, pfft, screw that, I'm going to get up whenever - every two hours, maybe three, four(?), five(?). Just to screw with me nothing with you is. ever. the. same.

You must sense that I CRAVE stability, predictability, routine (in most instances - especially when sleep is involved) so you've decided to teach me(?) that sleep and routine isn't all that important(?).

You are the most amazing sun-shiney boy who is getting more and more attention from his big brother, which warms my heart.

Noah LOVES to get smiles from you and thinks you're always talking just to him. Which, generally you are. You seem to already adore him, as he does you. Your eyes follow him wherever he's bounding off too. You've gotten used to his loud voice, his accidental boots to your head, his rough kisses and non-too-gentle rocking motions of your chair.

Looks like I've got to cut this letter short, you're up after just 45 minutes...dear God...

Love,

Mama

xoxox

Dear Sebastian - Week 2

Dear Sebastian,

Eight weeks have past since you came into our lives and as the time goes by, you're reminding me on a daily basis that you are your own person - more accurately, nothing like your big brother.

Okay, not entirely true, you are similar in demeanor in some ways, but completely different in others.

When you were first born, you loved to be snuggled, loved to sleep on my chest - heck, anyone's chest - and while this is still true to some extent, you have very particular ways about how and where you will and will not sleep - and it cracks me up.

(Most times) you demand to be swaddled in your Woombie (God's greatest gift I'm certain), now whether there's another blanket wrapped around you or just draped over you, it doesn't really matter. But after the swaddle you also want to eat - even if you've just eaten, you'd like a little more (again, most times) - enough to fall asleep. Now WHERE you are put to sleep after that is all about your preference that day - most of the time it's in your own darkened room, but as of late (oddly enough) it's on the couch amongst the chaos and noise of our house.

I swear, once I think I've learned YOUR rules, you change them on me just for fun(?) for spite(?) to keep me on my toes(?)...you are SUCH a Midder...which is your nickname by the way - it started our as Mister-Mister in the hospital, that turned into Midder and can now be shortened to The Mitts or Mitts - don't ask me, it's just the way I roll.

You are the most serious of babies my dear Sebastian. I've heard of babies like you, the ones that eye everyone knowingly, as if they are far beyond our baby talk, as if they'd much rather we discuss the laws of the universe and politics than pester them with our sing-song voices - that is YOU. Your smiles are rare (but are becoming more and more frequent) and when you do grace us with one of those gummy grins - it usually has nothing to do with what we're doing or saying - you just smile when you feel like it. And can I say, since my baby experience is quite limited, I find your stingy delivery of smiles unsettling. I don't know when your happy, only to guess you must be if you're not crying. But then again, you've begun to chatter - you've begun to coo and gurgle and within those coos are half-smiles and amused eyes that keep me going and telling myself that I MUST be doing SOMETHING right.

Now that you've been here for two months, you and your brother are becoming more acquainted - he's no longer just tolerating you, he actually has begun to LOVE you.

When you're out of his sight, Noah often says, "Where's baby brother?" Or if you cry, he says, "Baby brother okay." And he's even started to call you by your name - lol - something we'd worry he'd NEVER do. You are his Baby Basa...he is protective of you, rocking your chair if you cry and so loving - kissing your fuzzy head goodnight.

He forgets to be gentle sometimes, but his intentions are kind. I hope the trend continues - it'll probably stall when you start crawling and "stealing" is precious cars.

Love,

Mama

xoxo

Dear Sebastian - Week 1

Dear Sebastian,

Welcome to the world my sweet boy.

You're one, whole, giant, big week old.

It's been a whirlwind since you came along last Friday morning at 9:19 a.m. and there's so many things I want to tell you about these last seven days, but mostly, I wanted to tell you how blissfully different this has been for us all.

Unfortunately first-time motherhood was hard for me and was compounded by PPD, but after receiving therapy, it was smooth sailing for your brother and I, but I always felt as if I had missed out on and wasn't present for the first weeks of his life.

This time around, there was...nothing. Nothing but LOVE. An INSTANT, intense, warm, all-consuming LOVE for you that I didn't have right away the first time.

It was, it IS still strange. It's strange to love you as completely and simply as I do.

And the funny thing is, that love for you has expanded and flowed over onto your brother and your Daddy.

Although I knew that things were better, I knew that the therapy kicked PPD's derrière, I got to feel, see, hear just how awesome motherhood is "supposed to be" (for me).

It's as if I'm really, SEEING what I didn't and couldn't before and what a sight it is.

I have taken every opportunity I can to HOLD you and kiss your sweet face, hands, feet, neck. I RELISH in sleeping with you on my chest and you squeaks, squawks and kitten-like cries. I've made up a song for you - a silly ditty - that I sing often about how I love your "big blue eyes, and your pretty mouth..." and your early nicknames are Marvin (as in Starvin' Marvin) and Mr. Wiggles.

I'm enjoying every part of this journey, that hasn't been bogged down with fear, doubt or depression and I've actually cried on more than one occasion because I'm just so happy.

That's not to say it's been perfect, we are, after all we are integrating a new little person into our family and it's a lot of work!

I've worried how your brother, who's had 100% of Mommy and Daddy's attention would deal with someone else who needs attention too, but thus far he's done so well and loves you in his own two-and-a-half year old way.

So welcome to our noisy, laughter-filled, crazy home. You've made our family complete and given me the opportunity to really FEEL what motherhood can and should be, thank you.

Love,

Mama

xoxox