Dear Noah - The Hospital

Dear Noah,

I know you're going to be alright.

In all of my heart of hearts I KNOW it. Yet, I can't help but cry for you. I can't help it because I AM YOUR Mommy and that's what Mommies do.

I'm lying here, beyond exhausted, listening to you breathe and watching - like an OCD hawk - your monitor that flashes all your vitals (which are excellent). I watch them, because, well, again, that's what Mommies do.

Today I've learned so many things about you my son, and so many things about myself.

From you, I've learned that you don't need to be an adult to be brave or be positive. You have been the bravest, happiest soul, while you've been poked, prodded, touched, moved, and badgered by all the adults around you who've demanded you take this medicine, hold still for this throat swab, that thermometer, this blood work, that monitor. You've maintained a smile and a genuine sweetness through most of it that many your age and years older don't possess. Everyone you met today has fallen in love with you, with your joyous spirit even though you're unwell. They all marvel at your talkative nature, at your chatter about cars and Curious George. When dinner arrived tonight you said to the nurse, "I'm hungry." And she laughed and handed you your food and you said, "Kin-ooo" (your sweet version of "thank you").

From myself, I've learned that I am a Mommy. I know that may sound silly, since I've been one for nearly three years now, but maybe more accurately, I've learned what it IS to BE a Mommy. I've learned that you and your brother are my number one priority, that you matter most and that if I EVER lost either of you, I too would completely and utterly lost.

Again, I KNOW that you'll be alright, but the thought sped across my mind that you may not be and that nearly crippled me.

When the doctor came in, with concerned blue eyes, and a kind smile, saying, "Oh buddy, you're having trouble breathing, aren't you?" The magnitude of the situation struck me, nearly knocked me over and I struggled not to fall apart in front of you - since I was supposed to be the strong one FOR you.

And when you caught my tears, even with your own battle to fight, you looked at me with those stunning brown eyes and said, "You okay, Mommy? Mommy's okay? Mommy's happy?"

I smiled through my tears and hugged you and lied, "Yep, Mommy's okay. Mommy's happy."

And here it sit, at some ungodly hour, running on less than 8 hours of sleep in two days, watching, listening, being at the ready - for what, I don't know - but even in this hospital, I feel as if I can take better care of you, watch over you more closely than any of these trained professionals.

Sleep well my beautiful son, get well, knowing that I'm right here, and in some way, I always will be.

Love,

Mama

xoxo

Dear Sebastian - Week 14

Dear Sebastian,

You are a little more than 3.5 months old (14 weeks to be exact).

You are now the most smiley and chatty of boys - yay! You coo and "talk" and speak gibberish and have the MOST EXPRESSIVE (barely-there) eyebrows I have ever seen. Even when you're just smiling at me, you'll raise an eyebrow or raise them both - as if to say, oh yeah, I'm on to you woman - and it CRACKS me right up!

Things guaranteed to make you laugh include clapping your fisted hands together and singing or saying, "Yay, Sebastian!" And tickling you - you are already SUPER ticklish under your armpits!

You're already a little go-er. A squirmy little Mitts who somehow manages to move all over the place on your back. You raise your bum off the floor and shuffle yourself backwards and rock from one foot to the other so quickly I'm sure the momentum is going to roll you over one of these days.

We've started you on some food. For the last few weeks you've been GAWKING at Daddy or I while we're eating - you have this endless fascination for food so I thought, what the heck - yes it's early, but hey, I've done this before.

You weren't crazy about the homemade brown rice cereal mixed with formula, but man oh man you LOVED dem organic apples. You smiled and cooed and actually ate most of it, shoving your fists in there along with the food making a real good mess.

You sleeping skills are still crap. Yes, crap. I love you son, my dearest, but you are trying to kill me. Your napping through the day is amazing some days and pretty much non-existent others. Your nighttime sleeping is much the same - you actually slept for 9.5 hours once (ONLY ONCE), but just to keep things interesting you've decided, pfft, screw that, I'm going to get up whenever - every two hours, maybe three, four(?), five(?). Just to screw with me nothing with you is. ever. the. same.

You must sense that I CRAVE stability, predictability, routine (in most instances - especially when sleep is involved) so you've decided to teach me(?) that sleep and routine isn't all that important(?).

You are the most amazing sun-shiney boy who is getting more and more attention from his big brother, which warms my heart.

Noah LOVES to get smiles from you and thinks you're always talking just to him. Which, generally you are. You seem to already adore him, as he does you. Your eyes follow him wherever he's bounding off too. You've gotten used to his loud voice, his accidental boots to your head, his rough kisses and non-too-gentle rocking motions of your chair.

Looks like I've got to cut this letter short, you're up after just 45 minutes...dear God...

Love,

Mama

xoxox

Dear Noah - Independent You

Dear Noah,

You don't need me anymore.

You are a little more than two-and-a-half-years-old and you have already broken my heart. I wasn't expecting to be so disposable, so soon.

You are supremely independent; the phrase of the last few months is: "No Mommy, no, I do all. my. self."

Yes sweetheart, you do do most everything all yourself. You feed yourself, get yourself dressed, get up into your chair, go to the potty, clean your hands, face...the list is endless.

Not only do you not need me anymore, but there are times as if I feel as if you'd live a contented life if I wasn't around.

One night I asked your Daddy if boys REALLY do need their Moms. If Moms are REALLY that important since Daddies really seem to rule their world and Moms are just, well, the ones that demand hand-washing, manners, picking up after yourself, rules, rules, rules.

Your Daddy laughed at me, of course, and assured me that boys DO need their Moms - for what, I'm not exactly sure - other than to nurture (which you rarely want or need unless you're hurt), to be your soft place (you ALLOW me the privilege to hug you when you feel like it), and to be your womanly influence ("Mommy has gina.").

This Mommy is looking for where she fits in your world since playing cars (gag) and playing cars (OMG) and playing more cars (puh-lease!) is all you want to do these days - even though I encourage other activities like colouring (YES), Playdough (woot!) and arts and crafts (awesome!).

Although I marvel at your brilliance - you know your ABCs, can count to 15, have almost mastered the elusive potty and a HOST of other talents - I miss that toddler who called me his favourite, who wanted more from me than a cup of juice or to play (DREADED) cars.

And I want to say that all of this was to be expected, I fully expected and knew the day would come when you wouldn't want or need me very much anymore, but I didn't know it would make me so sad. I didn't know watching you grow from a newborn, to an infant, to a toddler, to now a boy would crush me so.

You are a wondrous little man, Noah. I am proud of the boy you're turning into - the kind boy who has a shy streak, but is also heart-warmingly outgoing and friendly to strangers saying, "Hello!"

Just do Mommy a favour, when you read this, when you're all big and grown, that you'll gimmie a few more hugs and kisses now and then...I'll probably miss them as much then as I do now.

Love,

Mama

xox

Dear Sebastian - Week 2

Dear Sebastian,

Eight weeks have past since you came into our lives and as the time goes by, you're reminding me on a daily basis that you are your own person - more accurately, nothing like your big brother.

Okay, not entirely true, you are similar in demeanor in some ways, but completely different in others.

When you were first born, you loved to be snuggled, loved to sleep on my chest - heck, anyone's chest - and while this is still true to some extent, you have very particular ways about how and where you will and will not sleep - and it cracks me up.

(Most times) you demand to be swaddled in your Woombie (God's greatest gift I'm certain), now whether there's another blanket wrapped around you or just draped over you, it doesn't really matter. But after the swaddle you also want to eat - even if you've just eaten, you'd like a little more (again, most times) - enough to fall asleep. Now WHERE you are put to sleep after that is all about your preference that day - most of the time it's in your own darkened room, but as of late (oddly enough) it's on the couch amongst the chaos and noise of our house.

I swear, once I think I've learned YOUR rules, you change them on me just for fun(?) for spite(?) to keep me on my toes(?)...you are SUCH a Midder...which is your nickname by the way - it started our as Mister-Mister in the hospital, that turned into Midder and can now be shortened to The Mitts or Mitts - don't ask me, it's just the way I roll.

You are the most serious of babies my dear Sebastian. I've heard of babies like you, the ones that eye everyone knowingly, as if they are far beyond our baby talk, as if they'd much rather we discuss the laws of the universe and politics than pester them with our sing-song voices - that is YOU. Your smiles are rare (but are becoming more and more frequent) and when you do grace us with one of those gummy grins - it usually has nothing to do with what we're doing or saying - you just smile when you feel like it. And can I say, since my baby experience is quite limited, I find your stingy delivery of smiles unsettling. I don't know when your happy, only to guess you must be if you're not crying. But then again, you've begun to chatter - you've begun to coo and gurgle and within those coos are half-smiles and amused eyes that keep me going and telling myself that I MUST be doing SOMETHING right.

Now that you've been here for two months, you and your brother are becoming more acquainted - he's no longer just tolerating you, he actually has begun to LOVE you.

When you're out of his sight, Noah often says, "Where's baby brother?" Or if you cry, he says, "Baby brother okay." And he's even started to call you by your name - lol - something we'd worry he'd NEVER do. You are his Baby Basa...he is protective of you, rocking your chair if you cry and so loving - kissing your fuzzy head goodnight.

He forgets to be gentle sometimes, but his intentions are kind. I hope the trend continues - it'll probably stall when you start crawling and "stealing" is precious cars.

Love,

Mama

xoxo

Dear Noah - New Big Brother

Dear Noah,

Well, well...I'm not sure where to begin, my wee boy. This has been quite the experience these last two weeks. And I wish I had more positive things to say, but damn child, you are not taking the adjustment period to your new brother very well. Now don't get me wrong, everyone says your behaviour is completely normal - typical in fact, but it is in no way pleasant for anyone.

I myself am at a loss of what to do. Your Dad on the other hand - bless him - has the patience of a Saint for your constant whining, tantrums, outright disobedience, and general unpleasant behaviour.

On more than one occasion I've had to remind myself that you are only 2, you don't have the vocabulary to tell us you're probably scared that your little brother is going to take your mommy and daddy away; that we'll love him more and you less...and that you might just be generally pissed that you have to share the spotlight with someone else. But above all, I have to remind myself not to take your lashing out as a personal attack on me, my parenting and the decision we made to bring a new person into our family.

Aside from this major bump in our and your world, you've been a very sweet and caring brother when you've wanted to be. I understand that as of now, your brother is pretty boring - he doesn't do much, or interact with you other than looking at you. But on your own, I've seen you go over and kiss him on the head or rub his fuzzy hair or even just look at him and it warms me to know that there's some sort of a relationship starting there; one that I hope in time will grow.

Even though by the time you'll read this, you'll likely be a man, and all this will be behind us, I still want you to know, what I've always told you over and over - that you're Mommy and Daddy's favourite Noah of all. No one will ever, in a million years replace you - we love you just the same as we did before your brother came along - maybe even MORE because now we have double the love to go around.

You were the first one, the one that MADE me a Mommy, taught me to love unconditionally and that's pretty darn special - just like you are to us.

Love you to the moon and back.

Love,

Mommy

xooxxo

Dear Sebastian - Week 1

Dear Sebastian,

Welcome to the world my sweet boy.

You're one, whole, giant, big week old.

It's been a whirlwind since you came along last Friday morning at 9:19 a.m. and there's so many things I want to tell you about these last seven days, but mostly, I wanted to tell you how blissfully different this has been for us all.

Unfortunately first-time motherhood was hard for me and was compounded by PPD, but after receiving therapy, it was smooth sailing for your brother and I, but I always felt as if I had missed out on and wasn't present for the first weeks of his life.

This time around, there was...nothing. Nothing but LOVE. An INSTANT, intense, warm, all-consuming LOVE for you that I didn't have right away the first time.

It was, it IS still strange. It's strange to love you as completely and simply as I do.

And the funny thing is, that love for you has expanded and flowed over onto your brother and your Daddy.

Although I knew that things were better, I knew that the therapy kicked PPD's derrière, I got to feel, see, hear just how awesome motherhood is "supposed to be" (for me).

It's as if I'm really, SEEING what I didn't and couldn't before and what a sight it is.

I have taken every opportunity I can to HOLD you and kiss your sweet face, hands, feet, neck. I RELISH in sleeping with you on my chest and you squeaks, squawks and kitten-like cries. I've made up a song for you - a silly ditty - that I sing often about how I love your "big blue eyes, and your pretty mouth..." and your early nicknames are Marvin (as in Starvin' Marvin) and Mr. Wiggles.

I'm enjoying every part of this journey, that hasn't been bogged down with fear, doubt or depression and I've actually cried on more than one occasion because I'm just so happy.

That's not to say it's been perfect, we are, after all we are integrating a new little person into our family and it's a lot of work!

I've worried how your brother, who's had 100% of Mommy and Daddy's attention would deal with someone else who needs attention too, but thus far he's done so well and loves you in his own two-and-a-half year old way.

So welcome to our noisy, laughter-filled, crazy home. You've made our family complete and given me the opportunity to really FEEL what motherhood can and should be, thank you.

Love,

Mama

xoxox

Dear Baby #2 - 37 Weeks

Dear Baby Mac,

I have so many things I want to say to you, but forgive me baby, it's like writing to an anonymous pen pal who's been living in my house, but our only form of communication over the last 37 weeks has been pokes, nudges and kicks.

I feel like I KNOW you, yet I don't. I've seen you, but haven't really SEEN you - other than those grainy, black and white images of your various body parts where I'm forced to use my imagination. I've heard you, you're tiny, strong heart, but, of course, I haven't really HEARD you. It's a lot of mind games and trickery, but for you - you probably know me better than I know you.

You know my voice, your Daddy's and brother's voice, my heartbeat - you probably sense how I'm feeling, what I'm thinking...strange really, if I think about it...

You're nearly cooked, nearly ready to make your grand entrance on February 28 (maybe?!) - but it could be any day, really. Up until then, it's your decision when you'd like to come out into the world - I've told you that more than once. My bags are packed baby, so you just say the word and you can blow my uterus and we'll welcome you with open (cuddly) arms.

And cuddle you I will - and thank GOODNESS I'm your Mommy, because that means I get dibs on you.

When people used to hold your brother for too long (in my opinion) I used to say, "Um, can I have my baby back?" Sharing you is something I don’t necessarily have to do...all the time anyway.

As I've said before, I suspect (unless someone else has other plans) that you'll be my last baby so I've done my best to enjoy this experience; and believe me, it hasn't been without its pains - literally and figuratively, but obviously, worth every second.

I know being the little brother will, at times, be challenging for you – as it is for any younger sibling. You’ll want to probably grow up faster, just so you can do things like your big brother. You’ll want to emulate him, copy everything he does, have what he has and he may, at times, not be too keen on that I’m afraid. But you too are your own little person and I hope that you can always love who you are.

And although this time around I'm prepared - there's less terror and more excitement - I know what to expect for the most part, I still am a little scared. I’m scared that I will treat the two of you differently in a negative way…that you or your brother will grow up saying, “You loved him MORE than ME! He was your FAVOURITE!”

Don't get me wrong, I WANT to treat you differently – because you are different people – but in ways that help you both grow at your own speed and on your own paths.

Using my womanly influences, I hope to raise you both to be strong, confident, level-headed men; who have a sensitive side (chicks dig that), can cook a GOOD meal (Kraft Dinner doesn’t count), do laundry and remember to be chivalrous.

And above all, I hope your Daddy and I raise two healthy, happy, happy, happy boys that know no matter what, our arms are the safest place on earth. Just like your GG used to say to me all the time, “There is NOTHING on earth that you could EVER do that could make me stop loving you.”

Yes, at times I may be disappointed, embarrassed or even angry, but our love is always, ALWAYS there for both of you – we will love you no matter what.

We’ll see you in a few weeks Sweetpea.

Love,

Mama

xoxoxo

Dear Baby #2 - 21 Weeks

Dear Baby #2,

I have taken so long to write to you for the shame...oh the shame of you NOT being a girl like said you were, and hoped you were if only for the cute clothes and for the chance to be right...lol.

And no, Baby#2 you are NOT a girl. And after my 10 minutes of disappointment - because I was indeed wrong - I was/am over-joyed with the thought of you!

I hesitate even to say that I had a moment of disappointment, for fear that you'll read this years and years later and say, "See, I KNEW IT! You wanted a girl all along!"

But my dear, sweet little boy - it was just for the clothes you see and the chance to decorate a room entirely pink - that's all - lol.

And really, who gives a crap about clothes and colour-schemes? If I so desperately want to paint a room pink, I'll paint the inside of your father's beloved shed pink. lol

Now back to Mommy being over-joyed...I'm over-JOYED knowing that you will have a brother, you will BE brothers! And that's a bond that surpasses that of a brother and sister, I think.

Never-mind that, I know how insanely I love your brother, how could I NOT love you with that same fire...pffft, I can and I already do!

We chat you and I. We have conversations. And I talk about what I hope I can be for you and how I hope that you can teach your brother to share and maybe, be a little gentler.

I tell you I love you all. the. time. I want you to know from the get-go that you are Mommy's shining star. You are just the shiz. Totally.

You're starting to kick more often now - daily - but usually when I'm sitting where I am now - typing away at the computer. Maybe you'll love to write, like me. And read like Daddy and I. Or maybe you'll be a computer genius - or a garbage man, we don't care...as long as it's legal and you love what you do...then go for it.

You're about 11 inches now, from head to toe and weigh 3/4 of a pound...and we're more than half-way there now, baby - and can I just say (once again) how I (we) are SO excited to meet you!

I want to see who you look like - Mommy, Daddy or Noah. Or none of the above, how cool would THAT be?

I want to know YOU! Oh so bad...

Your brother and I talk about you too. And when I mention the baby in mommy's tummy he says, "help, help." Because I've told him that if he wants to, he can help feed you, and dress you, and give you bathes and kisses and hugs...he totally doesn't get it, but I think it will just be PRICELESS when you two finally meet in four months or less.

He also kisses my tummy and says, "Baby kick." Because I told him you were at one point.

I've picked out new bedding for your room and we plan to re-paint it...I was adamant "another boy" or not, you would have your own room - whether it matters to you or not, it mattes to ME.

So, it's the end of October, 2010 now, we'll see you in a little bit more than four months and daddy and I can't wait. Noah would be excited too - if he understood who was coming.

Love,

Mama

xoxoxoxo

Dear Baby #2 - 16 weeks

Dear Baby,

You're 16 weeks today - five inches long from head to bum and kicking and thrashing up a storm.

Mommy hasn't been well with you for the last few months and it's purely my own doing. I want you to know that I've done what I can so far to ensure that you have the healthiest start possible, despite this little set back.

So seeing as things so far, haven't gone according to plan, I spent $65 on a fetal heart monitor. The best money I've ever spent.

Although your daddy was initially excited (or humouring me) when it came in the mail - he now thinks I'm officially nuts, I'm sure.

I bought the monitor for several reasons, but the main one is because now I can hear you whenever I'm scared. I can put the goopy blue gel on my steadily growing tummy and find that little heartbeat - I could listen to it all day.

I find it and I smile and I talk to you and you inevitable squirm or shift away and I search for the heartbeat again - it's a fun game we play. I tell your daddy, "I'm just waiting for the baby to run out of room to move in there, then he/she can't get away from me!"

So I listen to you more than a few times in an evening, but now that your movements are becoming more regular - more than once or twice a day - I'm less scared, because I know that you're okay in there - you're growing and kicking and listening to us on the outside here.

Since this week you've sprouted ears that now hear, Daddy's been talking to you all the time -just like we did to your brother. He knew our voices from the moment he came out - we hope for the same for you.

I also wanted to tell you something that I think is so special - that only you and I have experienced.

With your brother, although I was excited, there was this more, predominate feeling, which was fear - fear of the unknown.

Now that I know, mostly, what to expect - I am beside myself with excitement to meet you!

And those people who say that the second pregnancy isn't as thrilling as the first, are crazy. I'm even MORE excited - I've got blankets picked out, hats I want to make you - all these plans in my head. I look at all the baby-related websites to see how big you are each week, what's new, how you're growing and changing.

I just wanted you to know, no matter how you fall into place in this family, first, second, third - whatever - this is an exciting time for everyone!

Love,

Mama

xoxox

Dear Baby #2

Dear Baby,

Today you're 14 weeks (3.5 months) old inside of me.

I want to write to you periodically because I'm not sure how much writing I'll get to do once you actually get here in six short or long months.

I started writing to your brother when he was just 18 weeks old. I wrote to him almost monthly until he was two. I'm sorry to say little one I can't promise the same, or even close to it, but I think I'll come up with something else; something special just for you.

Last weekend while I was laying on the couch I felt you flutter and squirm and thrash inside me and I. was. so. excited! The best part if that was that your Daddy got to feel you too - and if you every have children some day, you will know how rare it is for a Daddy to feel his baby kick so early!

I marvel at how relaxed I am this time around - how I'm more excited and less scared. I joke that your brother was my guinea pig that we practiced on. Based on how well he's turned out so far, I think your Daddy and I have done a pretty good job.

Now that I've passed the all-out-nausea and exhaustion I'm reveling in my steadily growing belly - knowing it's because you're in there!

I think about you constantly. And I still think you're a girl and please, please, please forgive me if you're not.

Love,

Mama

xoox

Dear Noah - 24 Months

Today you're two-years old.

And I must say, that since these letters will peter off in the coming months, especially when your brother or sister arrives, I think we'll have to spaces these out. I've missed a few months - I think June, July and August - and after this, we may not have another for awhile - I hope you're not too disappointed.

So! A week before your actual birthday we had a little party at our house. Although you had no idea what was going on, you seemed excited by all the people who came - your grandparents and friends. You were quite the show-off.

Daddy and I spent the day before labouring over the infamous "dump truck cake" that you thought was a real dump truck that you could play with.

The best part about that cake was seeing your face light up as we all sang Happy Birthday (as you say, "Happy you...happy you") and you tried to blow out the candles - twice!

You got lots of presents - favourites a week later include the loud, obnoxious truck from Grandma Darling & Papa Larry; the dye-cast red car from Daddy and the stuffed monkey named George from me.

It warms me beyond WORDS that you drag him around by the hand, kiss his mouth, and pat him on the back and say, "Hi George, hi George."

You love him to bits, as I hoped you would.

You speak in two and three word sentences now. You have very dintinct opinions and are curious beyond words about what things are how they work why they do what they do.

You're not much into eating - which is such a shame! - and dinners have become all out brawls; entertaining, but exhausting.

With just 6 months until the arrival of your sibling, we're going to ask Santa to bring you a brand new bed - so your brother or sister can sleep in your crib. We're hoping to have all the bedtime kinks out by March.

Potty training won't be far behind, but funnily enough, bum changing has never been a big deal to me; so if you decide to wait, I'm down with that.

Although you did go pee in the potty - asking and going all without being provoked - just a day before your birthday.

You're a goer and I still miss my tiny little snuggly baby. Don't get me wrong, you're loving beyond words - you love whole-heartedly and completely - you just don't sit around very long to allow us to love you!

Happy second birthday the sweetest of the sweetest boys in all the land.

You're a wonder and a joy to Daddy and I.

Love,

Mommy

xoxoxo

Dear Trudy

* I wrote this a long time ago. I find all the "balme," "makes me," very interesting when I look at it today. I still think it's a good read though, has some merit - and I feel sad for the "old" me.

It’s amazing how one negative word can wound you for life. Make you feel hopeless and worthless and doubtful of your every ability.

But compliments are another thing. It takes 10 compliments, 10 words of praise, encouragement or positive reinforcement to erase those negative ones. And even still, a shiny, pink puckered scar remains; a constant reminder of those words and who you could have been, had they never been uttered.

To this day I can’t remember why I loved either of them. To this day, my face in those pictures is like looking at another person, in another life. Like time travel, without the emotional baggage. But then again, that’s not entirely true either. Although I can’t distinctly remember why I loved, why I cried, I worshiped and all but groveled for their love and attention, I do remember that scary feeling of being completely out of control. Balls to those that say you can’t unwittingly give your control to anyone without your consent. Love doesn’t work that way. Or should I say the obsession with euphoria doesn’t work that way. Like an addict I chased that feeling of euphoria I got when I was wanted and needed by someone. Only, the feeling backfired on me and then I became the one driven for the attention.

So pathetic. Mousy. I’m mortified to think of who I was, how I unknowingly morphed into this “yes” girl, this girl with blond streaks and “church outfits” stacked in her closet. The girl who smiled to their face and rolled her eyes behind her back and screamed in her head that they were weak to count on God and to be afraid of their sins.

I was at constant war with myself for three years. I struggled to be true to me, but conform, be good, be subservient, be pure - a struggle anyone would be doomed to fail. For three years I would drive my raspberry sports car two hours west to his parents trailer-like home, with its filthy bathroom littered with manure-scented clothes and cow-themed kitchen. Nestled on the back seat would be a dozen chocolate chip cookies, brownies or some other peace offering I always felt compelled to bring along. As if it would make up for the fact that their only son was dating a “non-Christian” as if those sweet little treats would erase the fact that in their eyes, I was tarnishing their little boy and intentionally steering him away from the Lord and handing him over to the devil himself.

Mealtime with his family was always awkward, but I was a quick learner. After the first outing, when I inadvertently kept talking after the appetizers were served, not realizing we had to hold hands, bow our heads and give thanks, I knew when to keep my mouth shut. I wasn’t so much embarrassed with praying in public, it was the holding hands that sent me over the edge. And it seemed they did it out of habit, out of fear, more than actual thanks. I hated holding hands with. I hated touching his mother’s soft, perfumed hands reeking of judgment and disapproval. I hated the way she pretended to like me to my face. Pretended to be the good Christian wife. The wife that was forced to marry at 17, because her own parents were afraid she would have pre-marital sex. The wife that was arrogant in her “godly” status and confident that her Christianity made her better than me and every other poor unseeing person.

She never reached out to me. Never tried to help me learn what she knew - what was so fan-tastic about God and His ways and His work. I asked one question after church, the one and only Bible-related question - because her answer, told me what she thought of me.

"Why do we need to be saved?"

She looked up at me from across the table over her runny eggs and replied, "From hell, of course." She could have added, "You stupid little shit." on the end for all that her tone implied.

Of course we weren’t allowed to sleep in the same bed when I visited. I slept in his room, on see-thru sheets dotted with baseball gloves and bats and a flat, stained pillowcase. I could hear the wind rattle and wheeze through the windows and see the faint red of the flashing stop sign reflected on the walls. I would lie there and listen and wrack my brain for an explanation as to what made them so special, what did they have that I didn’t, besides God? Besides God, why did it seem to me that no matter how nice I was, no matter how many times I went to church, to bible school, to picnics and parties, no matter what I did it just wasn’t good enough?

There were too many moments to count. Too many instances that told me that the odds were stacked against me. However, it somehow became blindingly clear when his mother called my house, looking for her son – who had already left – and asked me what my testimonial was, knowing full well, I didn’t have one. The almighty testimony, of how I found God. How I was saved from a bleak existence, from a desolate life wrought with blackness that only a soul without God could have. It’s funny how I don’t exactly remember the conversation, other than guiltily admitting that I didn’t have a testimonial and in her eyes, all but saying I was a devil-worshiper. What I do remember though, is hanging up the phone, throwing it across the living room and bursting into tears. She hurt me in a way that I didn't know I could be hurt.

The funny part of the whole story, the real kicker, the irony is I never lead him away from God. He led himself - eventually. After the relationship took a nosedive it was he who began seeking solace in strangers in bars and driving home drunk. It was he who got arrested for stupidly taking mail from his job at a post office home to sort, who got arrested, charged and sentenced to house arrest. And like the good little Christian boy he was, he found his way back. And I had nothing to do with him going, or choosing to return.

I think about her often. I wonder if in me, she saw herself, what she could have been, had she not married in her teens; if she wasn't raised to judge so harshly (even I know the old Bible verse) "Just lest ye be judged." Obviously she missed THAT one completely.

And yet I was judged from the very moment her son told her I was a "non-Christian".

I blame her for tainting my relationship with God, today. I blame her for me being leery of Christians' motives, their kindness, their and out-reaching spirit - all of which, I know now, she should have shown me all along - that IS the way it's supposed to be.

God bless you Trudy, may I endeavour to grow as a Christian and be nothing like you.

Dear Noah - 22 Months

Dear Noah,

So here's the story - and you'll probably read it and go, "Ew, Mom, really? I didn't NEED to know that!" But hear your mother out.

Your Dad and I have been trying - just for the last month - to give you a baby brother or sister (and you're welcome, for me only going THAT far with that particular topic - at least for now, anyway).

I'm not pregnant yet, but all the leading up to the GETTING pregnant has lead to a multitude of muddled and murky thoughts and feelings.

I've had mixed emotions about another baby. It's not to say that I haven't wanted to give you this and give another little person to your dad and I; to our family. On the contrary, since you slept through the night and I stopped being cra-zy, I've wanted this for all of us.

But the mixed emotions are from my own self doubt about my abilities as a mom, and maybe your feelings about being a big brother.

I worry that you will not want a little brother or sister, that you will resent the fact that Daddy and I can't be at your beck and call as we have been for your whole existence. I worry that you lash out, you will become a little devil in order to get our attention.

Since I don't know what it's like to have a sibling, I worry that bringing another person into your life will change you negatively.

Yet, deep down I KNOW in my heart that you will LOVE your little sibling. Just as you loved your cousin Audrey when she visited. You could. not. get. enough of her. You watched her and touched her and kissed her and were just fascinated with this little person - who, oddly enough to you, was smaller than you. I'm sure there will be a learning curve for us all, but I know in the end, you will love him or her...because you do it so easily.

I know you will get concerned when the baby cries, you will itch to kiss him or her and help Mommy and Daddy with dirty diapers and feeding. And that you will love to show him or her how to do all the things that his or her big brother already knows how to do.

As for you Mister, big words are flying out of your mouth and if you can't say them you try and try and try to sound them out.

Watch is a new word, that sounds a lot like "Wassss" and it's just adorable. You also say, "hi", "GG", and "Nana," "Why (as in Super Why!)", "Mess," and "Busssssssss."1

Your favourite show, Super Why! has come in handy in teaching you to sound out words, "What letter makes the sound buhhhhhh?" and you inevitably repeat, "buhhhhh."

You're also fascinated with watching videos of yourself when you were littler. I can see the little wheels turning behind your big, brown eyes. Knowing, instinctively that it's YOU, but not REALLY understanding how that's even possible.

You are still so smart and happy and wide-eyed with an innocence that I hope you hold on to until you're 20 - just kidding...

Happy 20 months, Noah...you are mommy's sunshine.

Love,

Mama

Dear Noah - 21 Months

Woah! This was the month of the sickies! Yikes! It was like it was December - height of the cold, flu and stomach bug season in our house!

You were sick three times this past month - the first of which, we think you caught it from Daddy and I (sorry) - and you were sent home from Linda's because you threw up all over yourself. I was away on a course in Barrie and was frantic to get home to you. When I did finally get home, you seemed like your old, happy, cheery self and then you got coughing on a glass of water and you promptly threw up all over yourself again. You cried and then pointed to the remnants of a handful of crackers that had just been in your tummy and said, "Mess? Mess?" It broke my heart.

You do that often in a day. You, just being you, are a heartbreaker...I don't know if you'll ever truly know how much we love you - me especially, I love you more than Daddy - just kidding.

The next time you were sick was just a few days later. Your dad and I were woken just before 1 a.m. to you screaming your head off. As soon as I opened your bedroom door I could smell it - the vomit. I picked you up and cleaned you off, while Daddy cleaned the floor and your bed.

You were so very, very sad.

The third time you were sick you woke up and were, just off. You felt warm to the touch and were clingy. We dropped you off at Linda's anyway and she called me about two hours later saying you were sick

And boy oh boy oh boy were you EVER.

I have never seen you this sick and you truly, scared me something fierce.

You had a fever of 102 and spiked at the doctor's office somewhere around 103.2...

You were listless, immobile and although I loved the snuggles, they weren't worth seeing you so very sick.

Dr. Ibey said you had a mild ear infection and if you weren't better by the next day, to give you a prescription.

I brought you home and you and I laid on the couch. You laid on me like a newborn and barely showed interest in the vanilla shake or the cartoons on the TV. You and I fell asleep a short time later and I put you to bed early where you slept for FIFTEEN HOURS!

And, in true Noah fashion, you woke up right as rain. And all was well in our worlds again.

On to the happy stuff...

Words abound out of your mouth. Your Dad and I sat down one night and started compiling a list of your words and were surprised to discover there are more than 25 words in your vocabulary. Among those words is, of course, mess, sha-sha (for Truck), noooo (you elongate the word and say it so softly), yesss (another elongated word), hi, bye, bus, book, push, poke, etc...even Dr. Ibey was impressed.

It's as if you've turned over this new leaf into boyhood and words and abilities are just non-stop.

You make us so proud!

But let's get to the nitty-gritty...sometimes...daily...in MY opinion, you're behaviour is very um, undesirable - to say the least. Now let me just say, that apparently all this thrashing, slapping (of yourself and others), and all out fit-throwing is normal and natural. That contorting your body in such a way so that I cannot remove your pee and poop filled diaper is all apart of growing up.

And Mommy doesn't like it. Not one. Little. Bit.

Time Outs are daily - pretty much. There even twice and three times daily - depending on your mood.

I know that this is only the tip of the preverbal iceberg. That. Oh. My. GOD it gets so much worse, but child you test my patience.

And it's laughable. That I scold you over and over and over and bloody over until I'm blue in the face - "Noah, DO NOT HIT." And what did I do this morning, when you were kicking me with your sandaled feet, kicking the wall to make the animal hooks fall on your head - I whacked you on the upper thigh.

There goes leading by example, folks.

Screwed that one up royally.

However, it DID get your attention. What I was NOT getting by raising my voice, speaking to you calmly, holding your face in my hand and demanding you look at me - no, that slap on the thigh got it - immediately.

Sigh.

I'm new at this - obviously - and sorry to say it, but I'm working the kinks out on this parenting thing with you, Noah.

And, can I say, so far, I think me and your dad have done a decent job, because after all the fit-throwing is said and done, you do what you're told. You do brush your teeth, you pick up those books, you put those clothes back on the chair...you eventually, do listen...so by GOD we must be doing something right!

And really, all joking aside...your personality is so honest to goodness pure and sweet.

Your kindness melts me inside - when you kissed Elea after you accidentally pulled some toys down on her; when you gave Danielle a toy after you took it away; when you grab my face in your little hands and run them down my cheeks (just like I do to you) - I know that you're a beautiful soul.

Happy 21 months, Boo (a new nickname) - stop growing immediately!

Love,

Mommy

xoxo

Dear Noah - 20 months

Dear Noah,

So here's the story - and you'll probably read it and go, "Ew, Mom, really? I didn't need to know that!" But hear your mother out.

Your Dad and I have been trying - just for the last month - to give you a baby brother or sister (and you're welcome, for me only going into that much detail with that particular topic - at least for now, anyway).

I'm not pregnant yet, but all the leading up to the getting pregnant has lead to a multitude of muddled and murky thoughts and feelings.

I've had mixed emotions about another baby. It's not to say that I haven't wanted to give you this and give another little person to your dad and I; to our family. On the contrary, since you slept through the night and I stopped being cra-zy, I've wanted this for all of us.

But the mixed emotions are from my own self doubt about my abilities as a mom, and maybe your feelings about being a big brother.

I worry that you will not want a little brother or sister, that you will resent the fact that Daddy and I can't be at your beck and call as we have been for your whole existence. I worry that you lash out, you will become a little devil in order to get our attention.

Since I don't know what it's like to have a sibling, I worry that bringing another person into your life will change you negatively.

Yet, deep down I know in my heart that you will love your little sibling. Just as you loved your cousin Audrey when she visited. You could. not. get. enough of her. You watched her and touched her and kissed her and were just fascinated with this little person - who, oddly enough to you, was smaller than you. I'm sure there will be a learning curve for us all, but I know in the end, you will love him or her...because you do it so easily.

I know you will get concerned when the baby cries, you will itch to kiss him or her and help Mommy and Daddy with dirty diapers and feeding. And that you will love to show him or her how to do all the things that his or her big brother already knows how to do.

As for you Mister, big words are flying out of your mouth and if you can't say them you try and try and try to sound them out.

Watch is a new word, that sounds a lot like "Wassss" and it's just adorable. You also say, "hi", "GG", and "Nana," "Why (as in Super Why!)", "Mess," and "Busssssssss."1

Your favourite show, Super Why! has come in handy in teaching you to sound out words, "What letter makes the sound buhhhhhh?" and you inevitably repeat, "buhhhhh."

You're also fascinated with watching videos of yourself when you were littler. I can see the little wheels turning behind your big, brown eyes. Knowing, instinctively that it's you, but not really understanding how that's even possible.

You are still so smart and happy and wide-eyed with an innocence that I hope you hold on to until you're 20 - just kidding...

Happy 20 months, Noah...you are mommy's sunshine.

Love,

Mama

Dear Noah - 19 months

Dear Noah,

Oh my sweet little monkey boy.

You are so painfully smart - it KILLS me. You love to talk - some "real" words, some made up ones, but you are such a chatterbox. You make the effort to repeat words back to Daddy and I a lot. You say the word "bus" a lot, which comes out sounding like "bess", which, is seriously the cutest - ever.

You try to say everything we do, like "down" which sounds like "dahhhhhh" - and "watch" which sounds like "waahh-ssss" - you're just awesome.

Your favourite things to do almost every single morning is read. When Daddy or I go in to get you in the mornings you point over to your dresser of books and jabber - we give you a book and you'll happily sit in bed and chatter and "read" your books. It's just darling.

But there's a darker, almost sinister side of you that, honestly, sometimes scares me a bit.

Your dad and I have been putting you in time out now for the last month. Until recently, it had been in your crib - to keep you contained, safe and let you blow off steam if you were having a meltdown - which, MY OH MY you do!

Now, we've decided, since you think time out in bed is jump and play time that its lost the whole meaning, we've got a time out rug for you.

We plop you down on a round carpet from your room we've put in the dining room and order you to stay put for time out.

The first time we did this you whined a bit, then played with and talked to your toes, but didn't move - we were amazed!

Then the "newness" of the time out wore off and you began standing, or trying to get off the rug. I held you there once. Tightly - so tightly I thought I was hurting you - but you fought. me. so. hard...you test my patience boy...

And the creepiest, yet funniest thing you've done while in time out is stare me down with dirty, stink eye and then lightly slap yourself and pull your hair...you are so ANGRY and aren't sure how to release it...I hope you find a proper and acceptable outlet for your anger that's not directed at me or your daddy.

It scares me that you'll forever kick, slap, pinch and pull when you're frustrated, angry or just plain can't get your way...and it's only because I'm new at this parenting thing that I have these (I'm sure crazy sounding) thoughts.

I worry you'll never get in "control" of yourself and will wildly loose your shitz when someone, anyone says no...but I have faith that you'll learn the right and wrong way to let your anger out...

You celebrated your second Easter at Grandma GGs and had a blast with all your cousins who just, utterly ADORE you. They think you are just so amazing. Constantly saying, "Noah look. Noah come here. Noah see this...Noah, Noah, Noah..." I love how much you're loved.

You also fell backwards into GG's little pond. You scared yourself (AND ME) something fierce!

Thank God when you fell backwards, one leg was hanging out of the pond, otherwise you would have gone all the way in for sure.

When you fell I was there in a flash - like Super Mommy - I scooped you up, soaked clothes and all and you cried and clung to me so scared.

I was scared too. Your life flashed before my eyes...

GG was trying to play it off like a fun accident, so you wouldn't be any more scared than you already were...I didn't say much, I just held you SO tight.

Also at Easter it was some noisy - you'll learn fast that Mommy's side of the family are big, loud mouths - lol. You had trouble sleeping with all the laughter and hollering, so I went up (more than once) to comfort you. We had some nice snuggles - I laid you on GG's bed with me and you fell asleep - I loved that so much. You tried so hard to stay awake, but couldn't - your brown eyes rolling in the back of your head...it was just awesome.

Love,

Mommy

xoxoxo

PS. You've gone poo in the potty - TWICE!

Dear Noah - 18 months

Dear Noah,
Saucy! You are a saucy, silly little monkey.
I may regret these words, but child of mine, I think we have reached the "terrible twos" already, which, really aren't that bad (yet?). However, those words don't adequately describe your personality. I would call you saucy and determined and sometimes, dare I say, pig headed.
And my dear Noah, know that those words I use, are all in love and in somewhat exaggerated jest - and, I know that one day, all these traits will come in handy - wait, they have already.
Your stubborn determination, is what allowed you to take your first step at 9 months, to put your coat in the closet (with no prompting) last month and know EXACTLY what your daddy and I are talking about when we say things like, "Noah, pick up your cup and put it on the table, please."
And you know what, most of the time you do it.
This past month you also got so mad at me that you've hit me in the face, pulled my hair and pinched me, which, let me tell you made ME soooooo mad - and hurt. Yes Noah, you hurt my feelings (I know I've hurt yours too, so it's okay). So we're working on teaching you that it's not okay to use physical violence when you're angry - scream and throw a fit if you want, but don't hit.
Which leads me to you biting me as well. Though, you weren't mad, I think you thought you were playing, but ohhhhh I wanted to bite you back...I don't think you understood how it hurt.
And those kisses I talked about last month; those kisses that you doled out to daddy and I nearly constantly have almost stopped. Whenever I ask for a kiss you run away shaking your head. You do offer up kisses if we've done something to make you happy or sometimes as a thank you, but that's about it...the best we can get out of you now for kisses is if you head so we can kiss your forehead - lol.
So this past month you've sprung TONS of new teeth - you had two just around your first birthday, then two on the top popped up together and now, wow! You've got three more on the top, one on the bottom and a bottom molar coming in all at once and I wouldn't have known (you don't whine or cry) unless I'd seen them while you were laughing one day.
And the biggest news of all this month...get ready for it - you pooped - in the potty! I know, I know, you're thinking, ew, really, mom?
But wait, this was an exciting revelation. Your Dad went to change your diaper, realized you were "still going" and decided to just plop you on the potty. And there you finished your business and we all did a happy dance and clapped and cheered. Don't get me wrong, I don't expect that you'll be using the potty permanently anytime soon, but we were so happy that you weren't afraid of the potty or terrified to go - you just let 'er rip!
You're starting to speak in sentences now too. Now I don't mean coherent, English sentences. No, they're gibberish, sounding sort of like English, but not really sentences, but Dude, we KNOW you're saying something important when you're babbling away to your books or toys.
You are trying to say real words more and more you said "up" like "ahh-puh" sticking out your bottom lip and blowing your bangs all over - it's super cute. You also say: "downstairs" like "dun-stes"...I love the way you talk.
Love,
Mommy
xoxox

Dear Noah - 68 Weeks

Dear Noah,

Happy 2010!!

Of course, by the time you're old enough to read this and give a crap, it'll be waaaay past this date and you'll think I'm old and your Dad's ancient and you might be right, but we're still the coolest parents you'll have ever encountered and we're still the boss...okay, enough of that rant...

Welcome to a new decade my sweet boy.

So, about Christmas - it wasn't as exciting as I was hoping - I don't know what your dad thinks of how it went, but it was pretty low-key on the excitement scale.

Santa left you a red toboggan, a (rotary-style) telephone (I had one when I was little) and a Glockenspiel (not to be confused with a xylophone - even though that's pretty much what it is). You got the idea pretty quickly that those were your toys and you immediately pulled the toboggan out from under the tree and sat in it and then pulled it around with your other toys inside.

However, when it came to actually unwrapping presents, that was a new experience. You'd seen those colourful boxes under the tree for the last month and didn't touch them, so you had no idea what kind of goodies were inside. I had to show you how to rip and tear and the paper and you caught on pretty quickly, but lost interest in the whole experience almost immediately.

You were more into in having ME unwrap the toy or clothes - and even then you didn't really care about the things you'd received - you loved your toboggan too much - Mrs. Claus was one COOL cat to think Santa should bring you one of THOSE!

Christmas Day your Dad and I took you out with your toboggan and that too was a bit of a bummer. Albeit a funny bummer, but a bummer nonetheless. As much as you LOVE going outside, you hate the snowsuit you have to wear. And I don't blame you. You can barely walk and you (inevitably) fall on your face you can't get up. And as funny as it is, your Dad and I aren't that sick and twisted. So we spend a majority of our time with you outside picking you up off your face and brushing snow off your hands. You spend the time waddling around, falling and getting pissed off.

So anyway, we took you outside and sat you in your toboggan and pulled and you immediately fell backwards out of the sled. It was funny. You didn't cry. You just laid there looked up at us like: "WTF?"

So we tried again, showing you how to hang on to the handles. Which you didn't; so again you fell out.

Then I think your Dad had the brilliant idea to put you in on your tummy and we'd pull you that way and it worked - we even got a smile out of you - but you still weren't impressed. You wanted to pull the sled, not BE pulled. You're definitely a firstborn. Determined, stubborn and smart.

Your words are still few and far between, but your Great Nana taught you how to say "Santa" and "ta-ta" on Christmas Eve. Both of those words you whisper for some reason and it's SO cute!

You follow more and more direction - cleaning up your toys, putting your hat in the basket by the door, closing doors (still) and now dishwasher and fridge.

You know where all your body parts are and have even taken to a picture we have of your Great Papa and Bobby Orr.

"You kneel on all fours staring and pointing at the picture that sits on a bottom shelf.

Then you point. "Ah-dub, ah-dub, ah-dub."

And we say, "Where's Papa?" And you wave your little hand in front of his face. And then you lean over and give Papa a kiss. It breaks my heart a little to know that you won't REALLY know the man who is your namesake. But know that he was a wonderful soul, just like you. A kind-hearted man who LOVED to laugh and loved his family even more. He gave great hugs and I would love to wake up early at the cottage to listen to him strum a tune on his guitar and sing...I miss him still and I miss him more knowing you two will never know each other."

On a happier note, you're goofy personality is coming out more and more. You have this silly, squinty-eyed-cheesy-grin you give anyone who asks you: "Do you want to go downstairs?", "Do you want some milk/some berries?, "Do you want to go for a car ride?" You are easily pleased and sometimes, even easier to tick off. If you want it, you want it now - you have little patience (you get that from me) and you let us know whenever we've done something to displease his Majesty.

Here's hoping that 2010 brings you joy, joy joy and lessons and lots of learning and fun, fun fun!

You are a wonderment - Daddy and I learn from you - believe it or not. We learn how to teach you, we learn how to be parents (better parents!), and how to be better people, because of you.

Thank you Noah, you are Mommy's greatest teacher.

Love,

Mommy

xoxoxo

PS. I've significantly cut down on my swearing as a New Year's resolution, so you don't pick up any choice four-letter words...from ME at least!

Dear Noah - 64 Weeks

Dear Noah,

We're under two weeks away from your second Christmas! I'm excited for you. This is going to be super fun!

We've already went to visit Santa. One Saturday morning, Dad and I dressed you in my favourite overall outfit - with a red shirt and socks - and took you to Breakfast With Santa. We were told it would be best to visit Santa before we ate breakfast. There was no line-up, so we walked over, and I plopped you on his lap. And you instantly looked terrorized and then started to cry. It was funny, only because it was expected - I've yet to know a child who DOESN'T cry when he encountered Santa at your age. You spent the rest of the breakfast happily running around, pushing empty chairs and "meeting" other little people. When it was time to go, we got back in line and Daddy knelt next to Santa with you. You looked only a little scared but you reached out and touched Santa's furry coat.

We plan on taking you to see the Santa at the mall, to see if we can get a better picture, instead of the one we have where you're bawling your eyes out.

This past month you've learned where more of your body parts are - in addition to your penis - lol. Now you know where your belly button, ears and hair are, and sometimes you nose.

You give kisses - closed and open mouthed when asked and say the words "pea" and "baby".

Since we have a ton of snow you've gone outside a few times and experienced winter in all its glory. You look like a marshmallow man in your snowsuit as you waddle and fall and are unable to get up without help. There's nothing particular that you love about being outside in the snowy, cold weather - you certainly don't like eating snow - but do you love it. You've even brought me your boots and hat as a couple of times as your way of asking if we can go outside.

You're a very good boy - still! Dad and I have taught you to put away your toys and you listen (most) of the time. You have also had your first set of time-outs. You were throwing your food on the floor. No matter how many taps on the hand, "no's", "keep your food on the trays", or "stops" you kept doing it - very defiantly. So I picked you up, wiped your hands and face and put you in bed and closed the door where you instantly burst into tears. I hurt your feelings, you were so broken hearted. But it worked, you only did it once more (and one more time in time-out) and you learned your lesson. You're so smart!

Speaking of smart, your favourite book at the moment is "I am Blessed" and on one of the pages in the book has a puppy, a kitty, butterflies and bees and you can correctly point out all of them when asked. As well, you can point out the bear, boy and an orange kitty throughout the book. You're just BRILLIANT!

Your cousin Trek and his girlfriend Jenny visited with your (second) cousin Audrey this past weekend. You're nine months older than her, she's just six months old and my, my, you love her. You spent this morning kissing her head, patting her hands and just staring at her. Dad and I hope this loving behaviour will continue if you're a big brother some day. You were so sweet to her.

Your motor skills are off and running (like you)! You know eat with a spoon and fork with a little help. Once the food is on the utensil, you pretty well get it into your mouth easily...though there's usually a stray noodle, veggie or grain of rice that ends up in your lap or in your bib.

And even today - the day you turn 15 months old - you pulled yourself on to the (ugly) couch in our dinning room and were pleased as punch with your new accomplishment. So all day long that's what you've been doing, pulling yourself up and (with help and guidance) crawling down. Only a few times have you pitched yourself forward off the couch and on to the floor. All afternoon we've taught you to roll on to your tummy and slide yourself down until your feet touch the floor and we clap and you clap and you grin and grin and grin (your super-cute squinty-eye grin)!

You are a joy - pure and simple.

Love,

Mommy

xoxoxo