Dear Noah - 21 Months

Woah! This was the month of the sickies! Yikes! It was like it was December - height of the cold, flu and stomach bug season in our house!

You were sick three times this past month - the first of which, we think you caught it from Daddy and I (sorry) - and you were sent home from Linda's because you threw up all over yourself. I was away on a course in Barrie and was frantic to get home to you. When I did finally get home, you seemed like your old, happy, cheery self and then you got coughing on a glass of water and you promptly threw up all over yourself again. You cried and then pointed to the remnants of a handful of crackers that had just been in your tummy and said, "Mess? Mess?" It broke my heart.

You do that often in a day. You, just being you, are a heartbreaker...I don't know if you'll ever truly know how much we love you - me especially, I love you more than Daddy - just kidding.

The next time you were sick was just a few days later. Your dad and I were woken just before 1 a.m. to you screaming your head off. As soon as I opened your bedroom door I could smell it - the vomit. I picked you up and cleaned you off, while Daddy cleaned the floor and your bed.

You were so very, very sad.

The third time you were sick you woke up and were, just off. You felt warm to the touch and were clingy. We dropped you off at Linda's anyway and she called me about two hours later saying you were sick

And boy oh boy oh boy were you EVER.

I have never seen you this sick and you truly, scared me something fierce.

You had a fever of 102 and spiked at the doctor's office somewhere around 103.2...

You were listless, immobile and although I loved the snuggles, they weren't worth seeing you so very sick.

Dr. Ibey said you had a mild ear infection and if you weren't better by the next day, to give you a prescription.

I brought you home and you and I laid on the couch. You laid on me like a newborn and barely showed interest in the vanilla shake or the cartoons on the TV. You and I fell asleep a short time later and I put you to bed early where you slept for FIFTEEN HOURS!

And, in true Noah fashion, you woke up right as rain. And all was well in our worlds again.

On to the happy stuff...

Words abound out of your mouth. Your Dad and I sat down one night and started compiling a list of your words and were surprised to discover there are more than 25 words in your vocabulary. Among those words is, of course, mess, sha-sha (for Truck), noooo (you elongate the word and say it so softly), yesss (another elongated word), hi, bye, bus, book, push, poke, etc...even Dr. Ibey was impressed.

It's as if you've turned over this new leaf into boyhood and words and abilities are just non-stop.

You make us so proud!

But let's get to the nitty-gritty...sometimes...daily...in MY opinion, you're behaviour is very um, undesirable - to say the least. Now let me just say, that apparently all this thrashing, slapping (of yourself and others), and all out fit-throwing is normal and natural. That contorting your body in such a way so that I cannot remove your pee and poop filled diaper is all apart of growing up.

And Mommy doesn't like it. Not one. Little. Bit.

Time Outs are daily - pretty much. There even twice and three times daily - depending on your mood.

I know that this is only the tip of the preverbal iceberg. That. Oh. My. GOD it gets so much worse, but child you test my patience.

And it's laughable. That I scold you over and over and over and bloody over until I'm blue in the face - "Noah, DO NOT HIT." And what did I do this morning, when you were kicking me with your sandaled feet, kicking the wall to make the animal hooks fall on your head - I whacked you on the upper thigh.

There goes leading by example, folks.

Screwed that one up royally.

However, it DID get your attention. What I was NOT getting by raising my voice, speaking to you calmly, holding your face in my hand and demanding you look at me - no, that slap on the thigh got it - immediately.

Sigh.

I'm new at this - obviously - and sorry to say it, but I'm working the kinks out on this parenting thing with you, Noah.

And, can I say, so far, I think me and your dad have done a decent job, because after all the fit-throwing is said and done, you do what you're told. You do brush your teeth, you pick up those books, you put those clothes back on the chair...you eventually, do listen...so by GOD we must be doing something right!

And really, all joking aside...your personality is so honest to goodness pure and sweet.

Your kindness melts me inside - when you kissed Elea after you accidentally pulled some toys down on her; when you gave Danielle a toy after you took it away; when you grab my face in your little hands and run them down my cheeks (just like I do to you) - I know that you're a beautiful soul.

Happy 21 months, Boo (a new nickname) - stop growing immediately!

Love,

Mommy

xoxo

Dear Noah - 20 months

Dear Noah,

So here's the story - and you'll probably read it and go, "Ew, Mom, really? I didn't need to know that!" But hear your mother out.

Your Dad and I have been trying - just for the last month - to give you a baby brother or sister (and you're welcome, for me only going into that much detail with that particular topic - at least for now, anyway).

I'm not pregnant yet, but all the leading up to the getting pregnant has lead to a multitude of muddled and murky thoughts and feelings.

I've had mixed emotions about another baby. It's not to say that I haven't wanted to give you this and give another little person to your dad and I; to our family. On the contrary, since you slept through the night and I stopped being cra-zy, I've wanted this for all of us.

But the mixed emotions are from my own self doubt about my abilities as a mom, and maybe your feelings about being a big brother.

I worry that you will not want a little brother or sister, that you will resent the fact that Daddy and I can't be at your beck and call as we have been for your whole existence. I worry that you lash out, you will become a little devil in order to get our attention.

Since I don't know what it's like to have a sibling, I worry that bringing another person into your life will change you negatively.

Yet, deep down I know in my heart that you will love your little sibling. Just as you loved your cousin Audrey when she visited. You could. not. get. enough of her. You watched her and touched her and kissed her and were just fascinated with this little person - who, oddly enough to you, was smaller than you. I'm sure there will be a learning curve for us all, but I know in the end, you will love him or her...because you do it so easily.

I know you will get concerned when the baby cries, you will itch to kiss him or her and help Mommy and Daddy with dirty diapers and feeding. And that you will love to show him or her how to do all the things that his or her big brother already knows how to do.

As for you Mister, big words are flying out of your mouth and if you can't say them you try and try and try to sound them out.

Watch is a new word, that sounds a lot like "Wassss" and it's just adorable. You also say, "hi", "GG", and "Nana," "Why (as in Super Why!)", "Mess," and "Busssssssss."1

Your favourite show, Super Why! has come in handy in teaching you to sound out words, "What letter makes the sound buhhhhhh?" and you inevitably repeat, "buhhhhh."

You're also fascinated with watching videos of yourself when you were littler. I can see the little wheels turning behind your big, brown eyes. Knowing, instinctively that it's you, but not really understanding how that's even possible.

You are still so smart and happy and wide-eyed with an innocence that I hope you hold on to until you're 20 - just kidding...

Happy 20 months, Noah...you are mommy's sunshine.

Love,

Mama